Pre-Macworld 2007 Bean Spiller

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

On the morn of yet another Macworld and the Keynote world is all abuzz! Not with some new silly celly or media gadget but with what a new version of iWork may hold for us. While the Pages people may be scratching their heads in wonderment, we at least get a sneak peek at the new features from Steve Jobs himself! Well, not personally of course, I’m talking about those prior “special events” where the “presentation app” that Steve is using does some things that I can’t accomplish in my copy of Keynote. While, some of the obvious additions to Keynote can be gleaned from that, I’m not here to talk obvious, like new transitions or animation modes. No, my predictions will be features that no one (probably not even Apple) has thought of! But, before we rush headlong into what’s coming, let’s take a look back and see how I did with last year’s predictions.

1) Bulleted LISTS!! – well, there were improvements to how bulleted lists are handled, so let’s call this one dead on!

2) New export option! – What do you know? Two for two! Well, I was wrong about playing cards and luncheon meat..oh, and glass, BUT there WERE new export options! We’ll call this one a tie.

3) Keynote Player for Windows! – Isn’t that what Boot Camp does? I’m gonna say this one is too close to call.

4) Special PowerPoint export! – I don’t think anyone will disagree that the PowerPoint export is indeed “special”. I’m giving this one two thumbs up!

5) MPEG display fixer-upper! – Sure, I got the color wrong, but it did get fixed! This one gets filed under yassir youbetcha!

And the extra special beta tester news? That was right on the money so I’ll call that one cash on da barrel-head!

And now, for what you’ve all been waiting for, this year’s list of “New Keynote Features”

1) Synched presentations!
Many have battled with this particular issue for some time, and Apple has come through with a solution! Using the iSight camera and the built in bluetooth, Keynote scans to determine how important a certain presentation is (judging by the number of people attending and how many bluetooth devices they have) and will, at some random point, crash wildly and ceremoniously, sure to “sink” any presentation! Not a feature that I’d want, but I’ll just say next time, make sure your spelling is correct in your feedback to Apple.

2) Special “Al Gore” mode
You didn’t think that Steve is the only guy that had access to new versions of Keynote, did you? Contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t JUST the presentation parts of his documentary that used Keynote. The entire film was set up as a Keynote presentation and simply exported to QuickTime!! The only downside is that when using this mode, your presentation can only be about Global Warming

3) Price Break!
This is EXCELLENT news. The new version of iWork with all it’s spiffy new features will probably retail for $199.99. Not to fear, though, as users will be able to upgrade their old version of iWork at a reduced price! (Proof of purchase will be whether or not you’ve got the money to buy it.)

4) New LINK options
Keynote currently offers ways to link to other slides and even other presentations. This feature will be greatly expanded in Keynote 4 to include links to fingerprints found on various objects, links to foreign assets, links to nefarious plots and scams, links to government conspiracies and at least one Link to the Past (in coordination with Nintendo).

5) One more thing…
To add a hint of surprise and a bit of splash to ANY Keynote presentation, the newest version will now add a “One more thing” slide to the end of every presentation. The thing is, no one, not even YOU will know if it’s going to pull up an image from iPhoto of your last root canal, a video from iMovie of that fall you took on the first icy day, or that guilty little tune that you claim not to like but has the highest rating AND play count of any song you own. This is guaranteed to make the night before any presentation as anxious as the one that happens in January!

So there you have it, another senseless complete waste of time from the fun-loving folks at KeynoteUser. Here’s hoping that these predictions are as accurate as the ones from last year and that, if nothing else, you at least got a little chuckle from our antics. We’ll be watching the Keynote carefully today and will report back any REAL info we find.

Happy Macworld Day!